On April 12, 2021, I was released from jail, and mandated to another 90-day treatment program which I graduated from in July of 2021. I was finally back living with my son whom I hadn’t seen for three years due to my addiction. A month after completing treatment, I relapsed. I was unhappy and didn’t understand how to suddenly be a mom to my son again after all that time. My probation officer was kind enough to give me one more chance. I signed an agreement saying that I would stay clean and if I didn’t, I’d have to go back to treatment for 120 days. It wasn’t long after that, that I would relapse again in September. But this time, I overdosed. My probation officer found out, of course. She gave me 2 days to find treatment, or I would be sent back to jail. I felt hopeless, depressed, and angry at myself. How could I be doing this to my son again? Why am I such a selfish and horrible mom? I was once again leaving him with my mom and going back to treatment.

On the 20th of September 2021 I called a resource hotline and found New Entra Casa. My call was answered by the program director, Julie. We went through the screening process, and I felt heard. I started crying with her while explaining my situation. She offered me a quick placement and I was to arrive a few days later, on September 24. I showed up in sweatpants and my hair in knots. It was probably very clear that I was not okay. I was just thinking, “well, let’s get this over with”. I saw it as something I HAD to do because I just didn’t want to go back to jail. I would just come here, do my time, and get out.

This program turned out to be way more than that for me. I was greeted with such understanding and caring staff. They met me where I was emotionally and were patient with me. Eventually, they would help me to open up and share things about myself that I never thought I would be able to say out loud, let alone to other people. I was starting to let go of the anger and frustration I had for myself. I was getting to the real cause of why I kept relapsing. A big part of it was because I thought I wasn’t a good mother. Through the groups we had here though, I was growing more and more confident about the choices I was making as a mom. I was taught about how to better communicate with my mom about my son as well, which made visits with him a lot easier and calmer.

I may have come to NEC terrified, insecure and with no basic life skills, but I left with abilities I had no idea I could have. I graduated from the program in January of 2022 and now I have a job that I love, I have a beautiful relationship with my son, I have my very own apartment and I have more clean time than I’ve ever had before. My clean date is 9/19/2021 and I’m determined to keep it that way. It is through NEC that all these things are within my reach. I will always advocate for this program because I am so grateful that I got to be here and to have been given all the opportunities they had to offer.